The next generation!

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Imagine a little baby, those rosy cheeks, and the tiniest fingers, all chubby and happy and giggling at nothing in particular.

Now imaging breaking this little baby’s heart so bad, that they feel like they don’t want to live anymore, WHEN THEY ARE 4 YEARS OLD!

Why?

Do you remember? When you were a child, you would always believe anything your mother would tell you? You believe you can achieve anything because you can get your father to give a piggyback ride? Do you remember?

Do you also remember how much you cried when your parents fought with each other? How tight you had to press your ears together to not hear them scream at each other? How you would cry yourself to sleep thinking that you were the reason they were unhappy?

When you look back to those days, doesn’t it break your heart a little to realise that the two people you admired the most, inflicted upon you the worst horrors?

For a child, it’s parents are its whole world.

Children across the world suffer innumerable and unimaginable horrors and no matter how hard we try, we cannot seem to help them out or reach out to them.

But we can help out the children, the little angels living in our homes!

Let’s always keep that in mind before we do the same to our children. Let’s build the next generation mentally and emotionally strong and healthy. Let them know that they can trust you and share everything with you no matter how difficult. Let’s give them love and not terrible memories. Let us take an oath today, to never fight or argue in their presence.

(P.S. No, I am not a parent, just one of those children!)

The shadow

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I will turn 18 tomorrow. All my freedom and happiness will end tomorrow and the darkness will last indefinitely!

It may sound unreal, bordering on creepy, but the candles that we blow out on our 18th birthday brings out the darkness within us. I mean literally. From the moment I blow off those candles tomorrow, there will be a shadow accompanying me all the time. I will never be alone from that point on. Unless….

The shadow will remain with me till someone loves me enough to present me with the golden candle of love. Once I light the golden candle, the shadow will leave me. But once a person presents another with this candle, there is no going back. No undo button. We are bound together for life. Only death can do us part. And here, death comes only at the 8th decade of life. Not a moment before. An invisible bond will always keep us together. And we won’t be able to part even if we wanted to. It’s a bond between two souls. 

And that is why no one gives the candle to another unless they are a cent percent sure.

The thought of never finding someone sends a chill down my spine. The shadow will live with me forever. And eventually, I will be more of it than myself. The shadow will turn me into a dark thing more like itself. 

I know many people who still haven’t found anyone even decades after their 18th ceremony. I can see the sadness in their cold eyes. Their faces look like they’ve forgotten to smile. The grim look always sends me into a frenzy.

Will I be just like them? Or will someone see the light in me and be attracted toward me? Will I be able to fight the darkness? Maybe all that it takes to draw a line between me and my shadow is a strong will. And I feel like I have a strong will. Maybe not as strong as the mighty oak but definitely as strong as the bones in my body. 

I don’t know what will happen to me in the future, only time will tell. All I can do is put on a grim expression and get it over with…

To be continued….

My bubble

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I love dancing in the wind. Be it with sun or stars or rain, a mild breeze and I dance. The way it makes me twirl with its fingers, tickles my petals and excites my leaves.

I was a baby bud until 2 days ago. I could feel everything. The dance of the wind, the warm kiss of the sun, the chill of dew drops, but I couldn’t see. Now, since I have bloomed, I could see my pretty sisters of so many colours. The birds and bees and worms and ants and butterflies. The green grass below me, always looking up at me smiling.

One such day, I felt a sweet pinch on my nose. I looked and it was a sweet little bee. He was so pretty. And he looked so sad. I asked him his name. He said that he didn’t have one because they are always very busy at their home and their queen is very uptight and she makes them get a lot of work done daily. And he is new and he is already tired of this life. We decided to name each other, I called him Boo and he called me Pooh.

We started meeting daily. I started making more nectar for him, so that his queen would be happy with him. And he used to stay with me as much as he could without anyone noticing. 

I grew so fond of him, and he would tell me how pretty I am.

When we were together nothing else would matter. Not even the lovely breeze would excite me. It was our bubble. Just him and me. 

When he was not around, I felt so sad. One glimpse of him coming towards me and I would shine the brightest. 

Several days went by with our secret meetings. 

One day, he came late and looked very anxious, I asked him the reason for his unease. He told me that his queen had seen him spend too much time with me. And she has commanded him to stop meeting me or else she would punish him and hurt me too. 

That was the last I saw of him. Without him I saw no use of my nectar or my pretty colours. Everything seemed mundane. I started losing my strength. And since I was no longer pretty no bees came to me after that. I could feel my petals blackening at the edges. I could have lived longer if I had my boo. But that would risk his life. So I gave up. 

I stopped swirling with the breeze, I stopped feeling the dance of the wind and the warmth of the sun and the chill of the dew. I was numb. My vision started blurring. I kept my eyes shut.

The day I thought was my last day, I felt a pinch on my nose again, I opened my eyes and found outlines of a bee. Could it be? No! He won’t risk everything to meet me one last time. Would he?

I tried speaking to him but my speech was slurred, only bbbbbbbb…. came out. But then I heard his voice, I could always recognise his voice. It was him. It was my boo. 

He told me that he couldn’t stay away from me anymore. And that he’d never cried in his life except for the time he left me. And since he was so sad, he couldn’t work anymore and the queen threw him out of the hive. He sounded weak and sad. 

One of my petals withered off. My beautiful petal.

I realized I didn’t have much time left, he saw it too. He never left my nose since then. He talked about everything and nothing. He made me laugh. He tickled me. He made me happy and whole again. Only to let me go..

Next morning, my boo was still asleep on my nose, and I started losing my strength. I curved my petals onto him to prevent him from falling. My stem started shaking and eventually I lay on the ground. I held him tightly for one last time and I let go….

My white dress

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My brother and I are at our babysitter’s place as our parents have gone for their jobs and summer vacation has begun and at the amount of trouble we make, we can’t be left unsupervised. (our mumma keeps saying so!)

I just came back to my babysitter’s kitchen to quench my thirst. We just celebrated my 6th birthday yesterday so we had cakes in our tiffin. I stole a small bite of it and searched for my big purple bottle. As I drank water from that large bottle, most of it tickled down onto my dress and I was half drenched in cold water. 

We’ve been trying to build a fort of sorts from sticks and failing miserably. We’ve been at it since 4 hours, there’s no giving up now! I look down at my dress and feet. God! My beautiful, white, fluffy dress, I love this dress so much, I wish I could wear it everywhere. It was my birthday gift from mumma. But as of now, it is wet, full of mud from the garden, and a little bit of blood from picking up the sticks the wrong way. Mumma is going to kill me!

I was just about to go back to the garden, when I saw that the TV was on, I went to the hall and saw that the babysitter’s husband, Rob, was watching a movie. He smiled at me and asked me to sit with him. He always stank of cigarette. I started watching it and was enjoying the movie when suddenly Rob put his hand over my belly and started tickling me. I laughed till I couldn’t breathe, and then he put his hand on my dress and pulled it up and smiled at me. I thought he was going to  tickle me more. But he started pinching and biting and doing other things that I didn’t quite understand. He kind of kissed my legs and all over the body. It felt weird. I was ticklish. I was not scared, he didn’t hurt me, I didn’t cry. But it felt wrong. But why was it wrong?

In the evening, it hurt when I tried to pee and started crying. When mumma asked me why I was crying, I told mumma everything that had happened. And she got angry at me and told me never to speak about it ever again to anyone. 

I told my brother about this but he is younger than me, so he didn’t understand it either. 

The next day when I saw Rob, I felt scared somehow. And he smiled that smile but I couldn’t go near him. Something in me told me to avoid him..

It’s been a month since then, but I still don’t know what had happened that day and no one would tell me! So I thought maybe that is just the way the world works!

Futility

No matter how hard I try, to keep all pieces of my puzzle assembled, there always comes this wind which takes some pieces away. It sometimes even brings those pieces back, but they’re never the same. The picture never looks as pretty as it once used to. 

No matter how hard I try, to keep all my balloons afloat in the air, some strings always cut themselves loose. I feel lighter yet heavier. I’ve never felt the same ever since.

No matter how hard I try, to keep my garden and the flowers happy and healthy, there is always a worm or a bird or the harsh sun! And my garden will never bloom as beautifully ever!

No matter what I do, there will always be some shortcomings. I’m only human. I will fall apart. I will get back up. I will tremble. And someday, I will realize all of it was in vain. And the world will stop taking anything away from me. I have only me to trust, to rely, to doubt, to break and to build!

Corona phobia

I just saw the sun sink into the horizon. A large flock of birds just flew past my consulting window to their homes. The silhouette they made against the setting sun was a breathtaking view. I turned back to my patient at hand wondering when I will be able to go to my nest! And finally when I do get to go home, which roads will be barricaded! The patient looked at me with a warm smile.

Not every  patient hit their doctors. There are terrible incidents happening, true, but thankfully, all my patients treat me in a way that makes me feel joy in this all time morbid profession! And one day, I pray, everyone would see us as just humans and not God!

I was just coming back to the real world, from my imagination, when a patient in my waiting room  coughed, a cough which I know takes a lot of energy. I turned my head to the CCTV screen footage to make sure she was alright. Ten others just looked at her as if she were some leper and moved away from her, all I could see was a poor withered old woman, who came alone to the clinic.

I knew her very well by that point of time. She was a lovely old woman, who always brought food for the staff because we were always running around for patients from dusk to dawn. She always greeted everyone with folded hands. She hugged me everytime she was about to leave. 

During one of my bad days, after 9 hours of consulting, she was my last patient for that day. She looked at me and at once asked me whether I was okay! She had nothing but affection for me and that one question from a lovely patient made my day. It made me realise I was a human too, it was okay for me to fall apart sometimes.

She coughed once again. And other patients now started panicking a little. I called her in next and checked her thoroughly to rule out the worst thoughts that were in my head and to give a word of relief to other patients who were in the waiting room with her.

According to her symptoms what she had was definitely not Covid-19. But what she definitely had was a lot of neglect from her family and even strangers because of just a cough!

I take care of  many patients a day who come in with a sore throat or a mild cough or sneezing. But more often than not, the sore throat was caused by that big tub of ice cream that you had last night, the cough from having a nice chill bath in this weather, and the sneezing because of the never ending cleaning you did because of all the free time. 

I try my best to counsel not only my patients but the general public too!

Rather than the disease, the fear of getting it will cause more harm to us. As one of my teachers say, FEAR IS THE CONTAGION.

This is not the time to panic, ostracize, neglect.

This is the time we stand together, cherish, spread love.

What you think sets a motion in the universe, and the universe turns your thoughts into the reality.

So let us think about a beautiful world full of love that all of us can cherish. Since all of us have a lot of free time, let’s get things done that we always wanted to but never seemed to find enough time for. Let’s read or write or draw or paint or cook or be an instagrammer, if that’s what you enjoy. As long as it distracts you from the panic and fear, let’s move ahead and do nothing together!

For any health related doubts inbox me, I’ll be honoured to help! 

-With lots of love.

#corona #love #doctor #pandemic #homoeopathy


Dr Sangeetha Pillai

Behind this article is a girl who has a novel in her bag, a medicine-related book in her hands, a purple Littmann stethoscope around her neck (which is the best), a watch on her right wrist, thick glasses on her face.

Couldn’t describe myself better! I have a good heart though. That makes up for all the physical flaws.

Hi, I’m Dr Sangeetha Pillai, a homoeopath from Nashik. I belong to the most underappreciated profession from the most underestimated city! And I hope to change these views one word at a time.
This website is the beginning of a 10 year old dream. Give me all the love and I hope not to disappoint!